What am I doing today?

Obsolete

2009-02-25T08:05:00.000-08:00

Obviously things like facebook and twitter have completely rendered this blog obsolete. I will be shutting down again. If you're interested in what I'm doing, find me on twitter now. davidwester

November 16, 2008 - Editor's Log

2008-11-15T23:52:00.000-08:00

Changing things up in a more serious way rather than making glib statements and hoping for chuckles.

Editing a video in Kansas City for a project known as Whoop Dee Doo

Have 12 tapes, 1 deck and capture station, and 1 editing station in a hotel room in K.C.

Need a __ minute long demo of a performance done by about 3:30 or 4:00 PM today.

Started digitizing at about 10:00. Still digitizing. Haven't made a cut yet at 2:00 AM.

More as things develop.

November 4, 2008

2008-11-04T22:52:00.000-08:00

Today I will believe that Mark Twain is smiling at us all.

Tomorrow I won't be able to believe it.

November 3, 2008

2008-11-03T22:58:00.000-08:00

Today I voted for Barack Obama.

Today I felt some amount of optimism.

Today I made a vote for intelligence over bravura.

Statesmanship over bullying.

Please do the same.

October 28, 2008

2008-10-28T21:51:00.001-07:00

Today I am waiting for status bars to complete. They mock me with their estimates.

October 15, 2008

2008-10-15T21:04:00.001-07:00

Today I will use "health of the mother" to mean whatever I want!!!!!! It means ice cream right now! I'm having an abortion for ice cream!!!!!!!!

October 14, 2008

2008-10-14T08:03:00.000-07:00

Today, amidst trying times, I will be happy to return to this blog where everybody knows my name.

October 10, 2008

2008-10-10T15:35:00.000-07:00

Today, my jaw will drop when I see that the McCain campaign, essentially, defends the violent, extreme outbursts at their rallies.

http://firstread.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2008/10/10/1529529.aspx

WTF???!!!!

October 9, 2008

2008-10-09T07:15:00.000-07:00

Today, I will die for your sins. Then I will stuff my face with cheeseburgers made from Osbourne, the cow who died for your cows' sins. Shortly thereafter, I will vomit.

October 8, 2008

2008-10-08T07:40:00.000-07:00

Today, I will institute a spending freeze on my cat. I don't have a cat, so it doesn't affect me.

October 6, 2008

2008-10-06T09:55:00.001-07:00

Today, with little rest, I will make good on all of my promises. Including that one I made to Pakistan. And Uzbekistan. And Stan. Sorry buddy, I forgot to feed your dog last week, but I'll do it today!

October 3, 2008

2008-10-03T15:41:00.000-07:00

Today I will debate Governor Palin on the topic of the appropriateness of sprinkling condescending folksiness into vague answers. I will debate the pro side and she will pretend to debate the con side while saying "y'all" and "you betcha" and looking distressed at the notion that there are actually people out there in the world who.... OMIGOD... hate America.

October 2, 2008

2008-10-02T07:08:00.000-07:00

Today, you will destroy me. I will do nothing.

October 1, 2008

2008-10-01T08:40:00.000-07:00

Today I will open a can of worms and let them crawl on the floor. I will regret my actions later that day.

September 30, 2008

2008-09-30T07:36:00.000-07:00

Today I will egg my face.

September 29, 2008

2008-09-29T12:05:00.000-07:00

Today, I will Atari my Commodore until I Apple II GS.

September 26, 2008

2008-09-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

Today I will bail out of a plane and hope there's a huge ass pile of money below me.

September 25, 2008

2008-09-25T08:40:00.000-07:00

Today I will mashed potato all over the kitchen and gravy my pants up.

September 24, 2008

2008-09-24T08:36:00.001-07:00

Today I will celebrate hump day by growing a hump.

September 22, 2008

2008-09-22T10:13:00.001-07:00

Today I will complain about the weather and my aching knees until the tide comes in and drowns me.

September 19, 2008

2008-09-19T10:18:00.000-07:00

Today I will make an LOL Kitty by stuffing a Calico into my lungs while watching a Marx Brothers film.

September 18, 2008

2008-09-18T10:17:00.000-07:00

Today I will punish Spain for trying to push Portugal into the sea, but allow Mexico to go unchallenged for its Yucatan Erection.

September 17, 2008

2008-09-17T10:39:00.000-07:00

Today, my mind will be blown when I write down the date in numerical form.

9/17

9+1+7=17

Today is the 17th.

I will realize this holds true for all 9/1* dates.

And I will see the very face of God.

September 16, 2008

2008-09-16T10:05:00.001-07:00

Today I will bash my head against a brick wall and hope that everything changes.

September 15, 2008

2008-09-15T15:48:00.001-07:00

Today I will have a panic attack when I realize I'm not wearing a cumberbund with my speedo.

September 14, 2008

2008-09-14T12:34:00.000-07:00

Today, I mourn the loss of David Foster Wallace. I am quite sad.

His thoughts on Kafka.

September 13, 2008

2008-09-13T12:56:00.000-07:00

Today, I will beat up on a blanket to free the helpless pigs inside. Then I will put lipstick on them and accuse them of mocking Sarah Palin erroneously.

September 12, 2008

2008-09-12T13:33:00.001-07:00

Today I will get a job. This blog has seen me get 2 jobs now. Weird.

September 11, 2008

2008-09-11T13:16:00.000-07:00

Today I will remember Fred Hunt. If I could hold a pledge drive to bring him back to life, I would.

September 10, 2008

2008-09-10T12:58:00.001-07:00

Today I will be inappropriately somber, thinking it is actually September 11.

September 9, 2008

2008-09-09T15:58:00.001-07:00

Today I will use every part of the animal.

September 8, 2008

2008-09-08T08:46:00.001-07:00

Today I will teach my dog all about abstinence and then neuter it so it doesn't embarrass me on the national stage.

September 7, 2008

2008-09-07T12:19:00.001-07:00

Today I will make paper airplanes that can fly to the moon. I will be accused of running a monopoly which is ironic, since the airplanes are made of Monopoly money.

September 6, 2008

2008-09-06T09:57:00.000-07:00

Today I will face my mirror to the side and examine its profile in order to determine if it has gained weight in the glass.

September 5, 2008

2008-09-05T10:37:00.000-07:00

Today I will navigate the halls of justice on a big wheel and spell tort reform backwards on a mirror. Jack Nicholson will be involved.

September 4, 2008

2008-09-04T09:18:00.000-07:00

Today, I will vomit up bullshit and go back to eat some more.

September 3, 2008

2008-09-03T12:28:00.000-07:00

Today, I will fight the oligarchy by purchasing a single generic facial tissue and referring to it as a Kleenex.

September 2, 2008

2008-09-02T06:13:00.001-07:00

Today, I will talk, think, and act like a creationist. I will do the world a favor by blowing my fucking brains out.

August 31, 2008

2008-08-31T09:15:00.003-07:00

Today I will go into Labor ONE DAY ahead of schedule. Then I will give birth to a nascent dictatorship.

August 30, 2008

2008-08-30T13:31:00.000-07:00

Today I will sleep in a tent and make very loud cackling sounds every thirty-six seconds. When I inevitably attract the crows, I will cower in fear of their ill omens.

August 29, 2008

2008-08-29T08:23:00.000-07:00

Today I will celebrate the fictional anniversary of Skynet's destructive arrival onto the world.

August 28, 2008

2008-08-28T13:14:00.000-07:00

Today I will hide my baubles from bitty birds who bite.

August 27, 2008

2008-08-27T06:53:00.000-07:00

Today I will scream my head off. I'm not sure what I'll do after that. That seems like it's probably a point to stop and think about what to do next. But I don't know. I should probably plan to do more stuff. Maybe after screaming my head off, I can go shopping for ladles? Hm.

It's just that after screaming my head off, it seems difficult to do anything else with the same amount of vigor. I mean, what am I going to do? Shop for ladles my head off? Or whatever? I don't want to do something milquetoast or vague. Well, I guess I should just stick to the plan and see what comes up.

My head will come up off of my body.

But obviously "comes up" is a figure of speech.

Well, today I will scream my head off. And maybe shop for ladles. And a fruit basket. I'll throw that in the cart.

August 26, 2008

2008-08-26T07:41:00.000-07:00

Today I will do a push-up and ponder the historical origins of this exercise while I catch my breath.

August 25, 2008

2008-08-25T07:33:00.000-07:00

Today, I will shoot the moon. With playing cards. Fired from my playing card gun. I will use all suits, not just hearts. I believe this will curry favor with the Queen.

August 24, 2008

2008-08-24T11:03:00.001-07:00

Today I will fry an egg, plant it in the ground, and show everyone the spot where my new eggplant will grow.

August 23, 2008

2008-08-23T10:30:00.001-07:00

Today, I will announce that Joe Biden is my running mate for the 50 yard dash. I don't like to run alone.

August 22, 2008

2008-08-22T06:18:00.000-07:00

Today, I will sip a Big Gulp of soda and gulp down a sipper cup of milk.

August 21, 2008

2008-08-21T07:00:00.001-07:00

Today, I will use my mad BBQ skills to sacrifice a goat. Doesn't matter to what God.. one of them will respond. I'm hoping it's Benjamin Franklin.

STARTING OVER!

2008-08-20T22:43:00.000-07:00

BLOG RENEWS NOW!

2007-10-04T15:32:00.001-07:00

BLOG OVER

Thanks for reading.

September 7, 2007

2007-09-07T12:20:00.001-07:00

Today, I will find out that life has a twist ending. As it turns out, it's all a dream and I'm really Hitler! What a mess.

September 1, 2007

2007-09-01T16:48:00.000-07:00

Today I will celebrate one year in Portland, or as I like to call it, the best place in the world.

August 31, 2007

2007-08-31T09:13:00.001-07:00

Today, I will celebrate my 101st post by watching 102 Dalmations for the 103rd time.

August 30, 2007

2007-08-30T16:41:00.000-07:00

Today I will find a man in a trashcan. I will name him Oscar. He will not get the joke, but will be grateful when I take him home.

August 29, 2007

2007-08-29T08:14:00.001-07:00

Today, I will elect myself president of public restrooms and declare them off-limits to Republicans.

August 28, 2007

2007-08-28T07:48:00.001-07:00

Today, I will realize that my goals are far too lofty.

August 26, 2007

2007-08-26T20:43:00.001-07:00

Today, I will reflect that I did indeed deserve the day off yesterday after such a brilliant plan was hatched on Friday.

August 24, 2007

2007-08-24T08:40:00.000-07:00

Today, I will make a condominium for prairie dogs consisting of cardboard boxes and hot wheels ramps.

August 23, 2007

2007-08-23T08:22:00.001-07:00

Today I will speak to tongues in Latin and hope that they catch what I'm trying to say (I want to fuck them).

August 22, 2007

2007-08-22T22:33:00.000-07:00

Today, I will kiss you in the smile.

August 21, 2007

2007-08-21T22:44:00.001-07:00

Toay i will typea on as newww keybrd

August 20, 2007

2007-08-20T10:36:00.001-07:00

Today I will file for separation from my lawyer. He's so good, I'm sure he'll get the car.

August 19, 2007

2007-08-19T20:26:00.000-07:00

Today I will go to a nude beach and see Bigfoot without his feet on.

August 18, 2007

2007-08-18T18:15:00.000-07:00

Today, I will go to the antiques road show with a hunk of finely aged cheese!

August 17, 2007

2007-08-17T11:12:00.000-07:00

Today I will be attending something called LiveWire.

I hope it turns out better than when I attended something called "The Third Rail"

August 16, 2007

2007-08-16T11:29:00.000-07:00

Today, I will remember why John Stewart is a wonderful, wonderful man.

August 15, 2007

2007-08-15T08:36:00.000-07:00

Today, I will regret that an illness prevented me from posting yesterday. Sick day! It... doesn't count, right??? Right??? RIGHT???

August 13, 2007

2007-08-13T13:21:00.000-07:00

Today, I will blog from a phone while waiting forever.

August 12, 2007

2007-08-12T21:31:00.001-07:00

Today I will stick my fingers in my armpits and then sniff them, in order to determine if I remembered to apply deoderant. I will not have.

August 11, 2007

2007-08-11T14:50:00.000-07:00

Today, I will watch Alien: Resurrection and wish they had just stopped at Aliens.

August 10, 2007

2007-08-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

Today I will bake I cake, because I know you're coming and we're all very, very hungry.

August 9, 2007

2007-08-09T08:06:00.002-07:00

Today, as I do every year, I will celebrate national Buck Henry day!

Buck Henry knows just how to have a day on his behalf! He celebrates by being in pictures!

August 8, 2007

2007-08-08T21:05:00.000-07:00

Today, with hours to spare, I will watch the clock run down and at midnight, declare this day of Crazy Eights to be OVER!

August 7, 2007

2007-08-07T11:55:00.000-07:00

Today I will play with my Go-bots in hopes that this action will inspire someone to tell their story on the silver screen. Optimus Prime can go transform himself.

August 6, 2007

2007-08-06T11:27:00.000-07:00

Today, I will remember the Alamo and wonder what the hell that was all about.

August 5, 2007

2007-08-05T08:52:00.000-07:00

Today, my brain will say "yes" but my heart will say "no" and I will spend most of my day trying to get each to agree to "maybe". When that is accomplished I will stab both of them.

August 4, 2007

2007-08-04T14:53:00.000-07:00

Today I will chase away the ghouls with a stick covered in honey. (Ghouls hate honey and, oh yeah, also Baseball.)

August 3, 2007

2007-08-03T08:28:00.000-07:00

Today, I will finally learn how to tie a bowline knot.

August 2, 2007

2007-08-02T09:27:00.000-07:00

Today, I will celebrate this video by watching it forty nine times. I believe the music at the end is probably the funniest synchronization of music and moving pictures. Ever.

August 1, 2007

2007-08-01T08:08:00.000-07:00

Today I will wake up from my long slumber and tell everyone that I will be posting every day this month (yes, even the weekends!).

I will also be changing the poll every week on Sundays.

June 22, 2007

2007-06-22T15:15:00.001-07:00

Today, I will zzzzzz.... so tired... so tired... so tired...

June 17, 2007

2007-06-15T09:06:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't let you in on what I've been doing for a while, but all week I've been engaged in planning a top-secret mission to spring a certain famous somebody from jail...

Then Mr. Wizard died and I just couldn't go on anymore.

June 12, 2007

2007-06-12T10:19:00.001-07:00

Today, I will seed the world with happiness by planting balloons!!!

June 8, 2007

2007-06-08T15:25:00.001-07:00

Today, I will work it for the weekend.

June 6, 2007

2007-06-06T17:30:00.001-07:00

Today, I will struggle to get everything done.

June 5, 2007

2007-06-05T15:09:00.000-07:00

Today, it is Tuesday. I will tues today!

June 4, 2007

2007-06-04T09:22:00.000-07:00

Today, I will spy on a satellite, just to keep things even between us.

June 1, 2007

2007-06-01T11:56:00.001-07:00

Today, I will celebrate the first day of June by dancing naked around a Pole. His name is Andrzej.

May 31, 2007

2007-05-31T10:33:00.000-07:00

Today, I will propose to a stranger and then get cold feet when I'm asked to "fuck off".

May 30, 2007

2007-05-30T12:09:00.000-07:00

Today, I will slip on an apple peel and come to understand two rules of fruit-based falls:
bananas=hilarious
apples=very, very sad.

May 29, 2007

2007-05-29T15:48:00.000-07:00

Today, I will study the way kittens look at me. For science.

May 23, 2007

2007-05-23T09:17:00.000-07:00

Today, it being a Wednesday, I will practice the Electric Slide.

May 22, 2007

2007-05-22T14:45:00.000-07:00

Today, I will spot Bigfoot on a spaceship and photograph nothing.

May 18, 2007

2007-05-18T15:03:00.000-07:00

Today, I will weave a basket out of my hair and put my tears into it.

May 17, 2007

2007-05-17T13:54:00.000-07:00

Today, I will be shocked to discover that John Turturro is in the Transformers movie.

Bonus content: Since I missed yesterday, I thought I'd note that I learned this from the new Transformers trailer and that the trailer features a part where the yellow car robot is getting electrocuted: this scene will undoubtedly make me weep like a baby if I ever actually see the film.

May 15, 2007

2007-05-15T09:02:00.001-07:00

Today, I will celebrate the anniversary of my birth.

May 14, 2007

2007-05-14T21:17:00.000-07:00

Today, I will drive a Formula-1 race car so fast, it will, through the principles of Einstein's general theory of relativity, become a Formula-0.

May 11, 2007

2007-05-11T15:38:00.001-07:00

Today, I will light up everyone's life. With a machete reflecting in the sun. Ooh! Lens flare!!!!

May 10, 2007

2007-05-10T14:23:00.000-07:00

Today, I will give a speech about abortion, describing my position on the topic to everyone. My position: I am one. Thank you!