March 7, 2007

Today, I will be one member of a Grand Jury that will lie to Scooter Libby, so that he knows how it feels when people lie to you.

(The first lie will be, "We sentence you to death!" Imagine the look on his face!)

March 6, 2007

Today, I will put my name on a bunch of large asteroids in the hopes that one of them will head toward Earth. This will satisfy my overly grandiose feelings of importance to the world (one of whose side-effects is the very blog you are reading!) and will at least give me the chance to hear the sentence, "David Wester is threatening to destroy the world," play on the evening news.

March 5, 2007

Today, I will bake a square pie and decorate it with a skull and crossbones. When asked what kind of pie it is, I will reply, "That be pie arrrr squared," and launch into a peal of laughter.

March 2-4, 2007

March 2
Today I will decide that on Fridays, I will post what I'll be doing for the entire weekend.

March 3
Today I will wonder if this decision is a good idea.

March 4
Today I will forget about everything and fill up on bread.

March 1, 2007

Today I will embark upon a one-man effort to enforce New York's non-binding, symbolic ban on people saying "nifty."